Why Women Lack Mentors and The Impact On Their Career — As featured in Financial Standard

Why women lack mentors and the impact on their career. Source: FINANCIAL STANDARD Vol 19 no4

Do you want to know why men are elevated to the top jobs in higher numbers than women? Do you think it is because women are discriminated against?

You will be surprised to know that discrimination may not be what is holding you back. Remember the old saying, ‘It’s not what you know, it’s who you know’? The statement is still as relevant today. However, I have changed it slightly to ‘It’s who you know and how you access their help’.

The bottom line is you need people in your corner who are more senior in position than you are, and who can provide you with support and guidance throughout your career. You could try to progress by yourself, but it will be a lot harder.

In my many years working in executive recruitment I noticed that most of the men, had people in their corner guiding them through their career trajectory - including mentors, advocates, coaches, advisors. They are called by various names, but they all do one thing: they help you achieve your goals and make attaining success easier.

When I was recruiting, it was obvious that the guys had support in their corner. I could tell they had been briefed on what to do in every interview. They had knowledge about the person they were interviewing with – the kind of knowledge you can’t get from a Google search. This valuable information provided by the people in their corner would help them get over the line and give them the edge. Where did it come from?

It came from their mentors – people they had been collecting to guide them from the moment they took their first job. Every time they needed some advice, they would call them up to get their view and guidance on what move to make. These mentors were basically their own personal board of directors for their career.

Wouldn’t it be nice to go into an interview or meeting with a potential client and know everything about that person? What if you knew what type of personality they had, their management style, how they viewed things and what not to do when you meet them? Wouldn’t that give you the edge? Yes, it does!

Call it fair or unfair, but this is what happens every day. Having people in your corner will give you not only an edge, but also a greater chance of success.

When I was running my search firm, I never felt that any of my clients were discriminating when deciding who to hire for the role. They always wanted a balance and focused on getting the best person for the role. The best person for the role is not always the one who performs the best in the interview – but they get the job anyway because of that performance.

Remember the short list for a job is usually two or three candidates. All of them look great on paper, but one gets over the line because they had the advantage over the others.

If you are coached through an interview process, given important tips and intel, it will increase your chance of getting over the line.

“You could try to progress by yourself, but it will be a lot harder”

I believe the reason women were not getting more senior positions boiled down to a difference in support systems – mainly lack of mentors.

I found most men had mentors and most women didn’t. It was so obvious why the men were progressing faster: their mentors were helping them.

If a business has not one woman in a senior role, direct discrimination needs to be called out as the main cause. However, I personally know of hundreds of women who are in senior roles. If they did it, why can’t others? If I did it, why can’t others?

Would I personally have achieved success if I didn’t have mentors? Maybe, but it would have taken longer, and I probably would have made more mistakes along the way. So, why make it harder for yourself?

Eventually your bosses will get new roles in other divisions and companies, and who do they look for to help them set up the new direction? They often approach people in their network who they feel can do the job - people they worked with before and who they trust.

Lots of times over the years I would hear female candidates say, ‘He hired his buddies for his new team - the boys club’.

When people made this comment, I would look at who the person hired and often there would be several women included in the new team as well. He didn’t hire his buddies/boys club, he hired from his network. If you are part of the network – you are part of the club, regardless of your gender.

So why don’t women collect mentors in the same way as the guys do early in their career?

Let’s go back to the early childhood and school days for someone to blame. Let’s face it, these habits start early, and old habits are hard to break. At home or at school, the boys likely had someone in their corner telling them what to do to prepare them for the big bad world of work.

Boys are encouraged to speak up, be brave, take chances, go outside the gate, play sport, honour mateship and the ‘bro code’, carry the load, be the bread winner, don’t cry, get dirty, along with numerous other pieces of advice. Their father, uncle or brother probably told them to ask for more or go for it.

Most girls, on the other hand, were not given the same encouragement. If no-one is in the household encouraging the girls that they can be whatever they want, then that encouragement will need to come from school or an external source. Mixed messages are all over the media for girls as well as in schools, but the boys’ messages are consistent due to historical behaviours.

So, yes someone is to blame, as with most things we do in this world. But how do you want to deal with this - blame the past for the present, instead of just making the change now? The cycle needs to stop with early mentors, schools, and social media working on taking the gender bias off the lens.

Progressing in your career is more about identifying what you need to help you get there and how you do it, rather than the gender you were born with. A big part of that is seeking and taking help from mentors who will give you the guidance and support you need.

I have found from running Financial Recruitment Group and later as founder of Financial Executive Women (FEW) that senior people are more than willing to pass on their knowledge and expertise to the next generations. They want to give back to the industry, see you succeed, and they want to make sure you don’t make the same mistakes they did. All you need to do is ask.

Women need to even the playing field and build up their mentor networks. This is not acting like a man or playing their game. This is good business sense to get you from A to B, accessing help from those who have more experience and who are willing to give you guidance.

The purpose of having advocates and mentors is to have someone with a fresh eye to give you support and advice based on their experience. In addition, you are building your own personal board of directors you can access when needed.

The numbers of mentors you need increases as you progress in your career.

What makes a good mentor?

The first requirement for any mentor relationship is respect. You must respect the person you are asking to be your mentor. In addition, look at the following:

• Do they have a background of success in the industry you are in? Or do they have expertise in an area you need help with?

• Are they stable in their career history, with good progression?

• Are they going to keep your information con dential?

• Do they have your best interest at heart?

People often ask me if it’s better to choose mentors from within your current organisation, or external to it. I always suggest working with external mentors, because they will be able to talk to you more openly and will have fewer filters or worries about what they can or can’t say. Unfortunately, internal mentors can’t be as honest in their feedback as needed, for fear of being misunderstood or introducing issues that could affect their own position in the company.

I found men tended to have mentors who were external to their organisation and only included current bosses in their mentor group when they became former bosses. Once a boss left and if they had a good relationship with them, that relationship would continue for years. This relationship would often open opportunities for them in the future.

Women would often say their boss was a good support to them, however when they left the organisation, they did not continue the relationship; citing that they didn’t want to bother them or felt it wouldn’t be appropriate.

So where do you find mentors?

Start your mentor search by making a list of all the people you know who meet the criteria I’ve listed. If you haven’t contacted them in a long time, reach out and touch base. LinkedIn is a good way to reconnect. Meet for a coffee and update them on what you have been doing, then ask them if they would be willing to be a mentor. Most people feel complimented when they are asked to be a mentor.

Don’t be afraid to contact people you don’t know that well. They may say no, but many no’s will lead to a yes.

“Women need to even the playing field and build up their mentor networks. This is not acting like a man or playing their game. This is good business sense”

Mentoring is not a perfect science

Mentors do not have all the answers and their advice may not be right for you. They are basing their guidance on the path they travelled and what they learnt along the way. Weigh up their advice with everything else you have access to. Having several views will help you with your decision- making process.

Mentoring for small business

Whether you are currently running a small business or thinking about starting one; if you try to go it alone or think you know it all, you could be making a costly mistake.

There is more to running a business than having a good product or expertise. I have often seen people who have come from large corporate environments decide to start a new business, only to find out that it is harder than they thought.

I started my executive search business over 25 years ago and then FEW in 2012. Having people in my corner that I could access for help meant the success of both businesses.

In addition, I consulted to many business owners over the years and I know from my own experience and theirs, that you will never be in
a position where you know it all and don’t need guidance – even if it is just having someone as a sounding board.

Whether you are a business owner or an employee, to get the best out of a mentor relationship, you need to understand how to take critique and not see it as criticism.

Mentors have your best interest at heart and give their time freely. If they tell you something that you may not want to hear or pick up something that isn’t right – thank them. Getting defensive will prevent them from giving you the tough love that you may need. Better to hear it from them, then your customers or boss.

The mentors you choose for your business, are not your accountant or lawyer (they are important as well). Mentors for your business should have successful track records in the area that you are in and understand your business. They can also be experts in special areas. Don’t try to do it all and make sure to seek out people who meet the criteria for good mentors.

If you needed career guidance today, who would you call outside your family or close friends? And ask yourself: are you making an effort to develop your own board of directors?

On average men will have seven to nine advocates in their corner by the time they are in a management role, typically between the ages of 29 and 42. Women tend to have zero up to two. Advocates are not your partners or friends - they are outside your organisation and friend group, who will give you a fresh eye/unbiased perspective.

Judith Beck is the author of No Sex at Work (Major Street Publishing), which shares the do’s and don’ts from her experience as founder of executive search firm, Financial Recruitment Group. Over her career, Judith has successfully placed thousands of candidates at senior to managing director level with some of Australia’s most successful financial institutions. Judith also founded Financial Executive Women (FEW) and is a sought-after speaker and media commentator. For more information visit www.judithbeck.com.au.

The original article can be found at https://www.fsadvice.com.au/blogs/view/why-women-lack-mentors-178400515

Written By Judith Beck